a couple days ago while i was sitting with a few friends at a cafe, waiting for our drinks, i got bored and picked up a pen and started drawing on the napkin, for fun... nothing elaborate, just doodles of objects.

a friend picked it up and looked at it.

"wow... you can draw ah."

that comment made my day.

last saturday, i was in my favourite art supplies store with timothy, and he innocently asked if i was "into this kinda stuff"... i was about to launch into a huge lecture for him not knowing such an important fact about me, and then i tried to remember the last time i made any art, or attempted, at least.
um, last december.
so he was spared the lecture, but in my head i kept thinking, "damn, sherene, it's what you do best, so why haven't you been doing it?"
ever since college started, i haven't drew, sketched, painted, written (besides blogging, which does not count, obviously), nothing.

in high school people knew me for my artwork, it was something i was really proud of, a talent i knew for sure i had. When i felt like showing off, i'd just pick up a pen and paper and start drawing.

i know why i haven't written in so long... it makes me kinda sad (and angry) to think of how i could have made my creativity a career and i didn't.
-so fucking what if i write beautifully or paint well? it's not like anyone is going to encourage that now, for all my effort, my family just kinda pats me on the back and reminds me to stay focused on the goal, law school. wheee.

i'm sorry, i sound like a emo 15 year old, i know. Law is a good degree. It's going to be a huge paycheck and a gorgeous apartment and the best private schools for my children some day. It's interesting, and subjective and i'm growing to love it. Really.

wei-shern used to tell me it was a sin to waste any talent, God gives us these gifts, it was arrogant, like not appreciating what He's given you out of love.

tomorrow morning i am going to find my watercolours and paint, damnit.

I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.

there's a beautiful grey kitten outside a shop near my college.
she's gorgeous, with bright, alert eyes, a tummy that's just asking to be tickled, and the sweetest little meows.
I WANT THAT KITTEN.

she looks just like Alexis did when she was a baby.

a huge thank you to darryl for picking up my call at 4 in the morning and talking me out of my childish fears and nightmares.
there have been so many lately.

i went on a walk yesterday around my neighbourhood in brickfields, it occured to me that even though i live here, i barely know the area, and i wanted to get aquainted with it before i moved out (which is in a week or so, wow)

the walk was quite a rewarding one, i felt like a tourist. There were rows and rows there were all these colourful indian shops selling flowers and incense and costumes, vegetarian restaurants and i felt slightly sad, i promised sheetal i'd take her there for the vegetarian food, which is it's claim to fame, and now she'll be moving to penang, she won't be just a train ride away any more. It's sad how when people are just a train ride away, or that close, we tend to take the closeness for granted, and when they suddenly switch states, or countries or continents, suddenly that distance seems entirely too far and you wish you'd made a little more effort when you could have.

also. on a rather random note, I WANT A SILKY TERRIER. I cannot believe i overlooked this particular breed before, they are so intelligent and adorable and hyper.

Lolita is seventy bucks at borders, grrrrr. damn overpriced books, i think i'll ask carmen if she'll lend me her copy or something.

I just read The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer, My Life at Rose Red. It's not a genre i usually read, (besides Stephen King, whom i read more for his writing style and endearing characters rather than the actual plot), but this book gave me chills, it was pretty good, i might just start reading more horror novels. I'll read, watch, listen to anything that makes me really feel something, and this book definitely unsettled me, I sat there on my bed with the book, terrified, reluctant to turn the page and yet really wanting to, at the same time.

timothy showed me a second-hand bookstore at central market, the moment i get my allowance i'm going to spend many happy hours shopping for book-treasures.