for the third time this month, i'll be in subang for dinner.
it has cured my homesickness for the place somewhat, and i love timothy for mustering up the enthusiasm to take two trains out of KL just to go somewhere to eat when there's tons of good food in our area, anyway.

last weekend my family came up to KL for my parent-teacher meeting at college, where I sat, fingers icy cold with nervousness, with my mom and dad, where, across the table, each lecturer seemed to deliver the same standard speech about working hard and trying my best. I wonder if they come up with these standard speeches for the parents, they all sounded amusingly vague and general to me. After that it was quite fun to give them a tour of the area around my college, (petaling street is a five minute walk away) and my little sister looked quite disdainfully at all the imitation goods, (yes, hers are all the real thing). My mom and I like bazzars and pasar malams and quaint little stalls. My sister likes clean, shiny malls and originals. It made me think a bit about what makes you who you are, if you grow into adapting into your environment or if your traits and quirks are predisposed. When they were about to leave, my mom suddenly held my hand and kissed it when saying goodbye. I don't know why I felt like crying at that sudden, unecxpected gesture from her, my family has been so much less affectionate and close in the past few years, for some reason. It's weird but whenever my mom shows or tell me she loves me, I secretly feel like crying.

on another note, I have decided that when I have a household of my own, i will not bother with getting a cat. I used to adore cats, having raised and loved so many kittens when i used to live in PD. I always imagined my future home with at least two cats napping on the rug.

Recently I've had to pet-sit for a few friends I live with while they were on vacation. At first, I was quite pleased at the idea of having a furry companion while I was otherwise alone at home. Boy was I mistaken. Esther was a ginger persian with the most petulant, demanding meows, and she hates to be petted, or picked up, She generally does not like anybody and with proceed to meow at the top of her lungs until she is fed. Fifteen minutes later, she decides she'd like seconds, please, and starts to howl again. When she is outside, she insists on being let in by scratching viciously on the front door, which is a very spooky sound to hear if you're alone at night, and after about five minutes of being allowed inside, she starts meowing to be let out, which I do promptly because dear Esther is not litter-trained. And all this would be excused if she would just return just a little affection, but she is the most aloof, haughty creature I have met.

And then there's my boyfriend's cat, who glowers at me from across the room, and ellicits low, threatenting sounds when I am within a metre's radius from her. Any closer and she will pounce on me and bite and scratch me before someone rescues me. AND IT'S NOT LIKE I WOULD EVER HARM HER, i love animals. I have actual permanent scars to prove the severity of her attacks.

And little Archie, the cat we adopted a while ago. The helpless, adorable little kitten with huge green eyes and a tendency to cuddle up and fall asleep next to me has grown up, and now he will not let us hold him for more then two seconds before turning around and administering a few painful bites and scratches. I keep telling timothy it's the negative influence of his older cat.
Seriously. The cats I raised were never violent with me or my sister. They waited politely to be fed, loved tummy rubs and tickles, and were generally delightful pets to have around.

What is up with the cats here in KL?

I just realized i have blogged almost entirely about cats. I shall refrain from further pathetic blog posts.

p.s/ yesterday we went to jusco and i saw that they had a huge pile of pulasans, which caused me to shriek in delight quite audibly as they barely sell them anywhere, for some reason. They're like rambutans without the hairiness and they're slightly creamier. And because Timothy had never had them, I decided it was a advantageous, convenient excuse to buy some. They were yummy, but I do wonder why most fruit shops just don't sell them.

I'm sorry. This is just too many times now and you deserve better. I'd tell you that and you'll smile it off and pretend you haven't the slightest idea what i'm talking about. I screw up and you hold me close against you and tell me you're sorry for how I feel when in reality it's me who should be apologising,

I love you and I want to show it better.

ever since i've started college this year, the social structure of my class has broken down and reshaped and reformed an alarming number of times. 

In high school it was so simple to me. The same group of best friends from Standard Six right up to Form Five. Sure, we had fights and little spats and really, who wouldn't, in six years of friendship with seven teenagers? But they were my constant, at an age where nothing seems to stay the same for too long. We're still all friends, not as close now as we were now, and i'm sorry for that, but I think our best years together are already behind us, and that's okay, I guess. 

Then there was college at Taylors, a close knit group of four;  (five, if you count kelvin) mostly oblivious to the rest of the class, and oh yes, that year I think all our lives changed so much.  But through all the change, we didn't change much, did we? 

And then this year. i think everyone has changed "best friends" at least once so far. And it's only been six months. I've heard people say this class is just like high school all over again, but i'm sorry, I don't understand that concept, because when I went to high school, if someone was your best friend, it obviously meant you thought they were worth sticking around with for a longer time than a month or two. 

Okay, I confess, this is a rant post. I was really appalled at how a friend at college treated me today. The abruptness and arrogance displayed today, I thought, was unacceptable for this person's age. I genuinely hope you're happy with your new friends, but um, gratitude for the old ones, or at least some acknowledgement for them would be nice. 

I promise a happier post reeeeeal soon.

Words are NOT coming very easily to my right now. My fingers are stiff from the cold, my brain is lagging from a lack of sleep. I'd like to curl up with a blanket and sleep this off, but I have a Law class in half an hour. And besides, I always feel like i forgot to feed a pet or something if I neglect my blog for too long.

here's something really worth laughing about, guys.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8118257.stm

yesterday timothy and i went for TimeOut KL's free flicks thingy

it was a screening of a few short flims shot by local filmmakers, most of them not much older than i am.

Social awareness, racial intergration, culture, anti-government themes were all present and prevalent. The best movies did it subtly, almost slyly, but the messages were clear.

After every movie, everyone broke into applause, but for one particular movie, Adrian Loh's Baby, The Rain Will Fall, everyone just remained really silent and thoughtful after the credits rolled. I'd like to think it was an awed silence.

It was really fun, the whole experience. The movies, well, three of them left the biggest impact on me, the others I thought were pretty mediocre. All of them had this warmth, this gorgeous intimate feeling of being so utterly malaysian, it was just so easy to relate to them.

I really do love this country.

Also, as I walked through KL today and looked at all the hawker stalls with their signs proclaiming "PENANG CHAR KUAY TEOW" or "NASI KANDAR PENANG" or "ASSAM LAKSA PENANG", i turned up my nose rather snootily at them. Knockoffs. Me, carol, my mom, her friends and their kids are all going on a trip up to Penang in a few weeks. I GET TO HAVE THE REAL THING. *sticks out tongue* I am really excited about going, not just for the food, i swear. =) also for all the history and old buildings and quaint little kopitiams with those white coffee cups with the blue pattern. Not the fake ones Oldtown has, mind you.

on another note, 600.

it was enough last week, why isn't it now?

today after school me and timothy picked up our bags and walked as fast as we could,  to this delightful little area near my college that has these quaint little indian shops and a restaurant we have discovered serves the most amazing banana leaf rice. 

after five months of almost entirely chinese hawker food, something different was desperately needed. I do love chinese hawker food (oh, the joys of claypot rice!) but seriously, every day for five months will drive anyone crazy. 

So, after skipping lunch to make room for the awesome, abundant dinner we had planned, by five pm we were starving. So we all but ran there.

There was this really famous vegetarian restaurant right across the one we picked, that's allegedly frequented by a rather, er... prominent politician, but we both turned up our carnivorous noses at the prospect of meat-that-really-isn't-meat. - I must take sheetal there someday, though.  

The moment our food arrived, we barely looked at each other, we just sort of dug in at the food in front of us like savages who had been starved for days. All civility, really, was lost. I think we exchanged a little smile between bites and maybe an emphatic "this is goooooood" but that was about the full extent of our dinner conversation. 

*note: in case anyone gets merajuk with me for implying that he does not contribute to normal, civilized conversation, i would like to state that we have nice, intelligent conversations on regular days... it's just that the amazing food rendered both of us oblivious to each other for a while, that good.. 

we get a lot of funny stares, us, both clearly indian, both completely incompetent with eating with our hands, gingerly picking up our food from a banana leaf with a fork and spoon. I bet people think we're hilarious. Grrrr.

 mmmm..... weird mushy unidentifiable vegetables on a leaf with rice, mmmmm.

i'm already mentally planning our next visit.

oh, and btw, i looked it up and apparently the second smartest dog in the world, based on scientific research is.... *drumroll, please*

A POODLE.

now that's some food for thought. A chow-chow ranks somewhere at the bottom, the Yorkie i had my heart set on apparently is #3o-something. Sigh.

p/s; (for timothy) i love you cause you are not afraid of the dark, and smile patiently when i have a full blown conversation with a bag of rambutans. 

this is why i love you.

me: *sniffs the air* "Can you smell that? it smells just like leaves"

timothy: *sniffs* "yeah, it does smell like leaves.  *pauses thoughtfully* "Must be all the leaves."

A few days ago i saw a video from an artist I love who's not very well known in malaysia. Most people wouldn't recognize her name or even listen to her unique, artsy music.

to my utter horror, i saw her song being played on MTV.

(not that i watch MTV much, mind you, i don't really like the music the mainstream gives us, too much sex and bling bling and cute-ness for my liking)

I hope everyone who watched it thought "ew, that's a weird kinda song..." and forgot about it.
I hope she doesn't become a trend thing that everyone likes cause it's "cool" for being played on the radio every ten songs or so.
I hope her song lyrics don't become the basis for everyone's personal status message on MSN. (that's what happened to Paramore, okay.)
I hope she remains relatively undiscovered in this country.

Maybe I'm being selfish, not wanting to share good music, but I hate it when a brilliant artist goes mainstream for a while and people who are completely ignorant of what good music is decide to like it cause it's the "in" thing and then poser-ishly dress like them, or use their songs for their (obnoxiously loud) ringtones.

Fucking teenyboppers. Go listen to the High School Musical soundtrack or whatever, leave MY nice music alone.

hey there, port dickson!

i am so happy to be home.

yesterday my sister and i watched funny videos on YouTube, and we laughed til our stomach muscles hurt and our eyes were teary, I haven't seen her like that in so long.

Subang part two was fun, we met up with Lennard at Asia Cafe and the guys played pool while I just short of drowned in my nostalgia. I had that noodle thingy i used to adore, you know, the one with the long beans and chilli flakes and perfectly poached egg. And my lotus pau for dessert. Unparalled.
I miss subang so much!

My cousins Andrew and Matthew are here for a holiday, it's nice having them around but I miss what they were like a few years ago. They used to be so noisy and playful and hyper. Now they sit on my couch, eyes glued to their GameBoy, and they only speak when they're spoken to. I know how old this must make me sound but i do think it is kinda scary how kids are allowed grown-up stuff so fast. Matthew has a digital camera and a cellphone. And he's like, what, six?

MY kids will get cellphones when they're thirty, if they've been good.

I should probably go offline and go hang out with my family now. I miss them.

oh, and this is such a weird video, but it's worth it in the end, there's SUCH AN ADORABLE SONG. The lyrics are awesome. Di, and Roisin, and Sasha and Michelle, I order you to watch.

subang, part one.

Subang jaya, yesterday was so much fun.

Timothy bravely took on the decidedly scary roads and confusing road signs to get us there, which made me think twice about getting a driver's licence for myself. I just cannot imagine myself maneuvering a machine so huge that will contain myself, and potentially other people i care about. I can't even ride a bike, pfffft. Bumper cars at theme parks terrify me.

I like rollercoasters, though, cause you don't have to drive em.

But I digress. We went to Sunway Pyramid, and a million different memories hit me. If you've ever been a student in Subang you'll know it well. Because it was just so near the college, we'd take a cab from college, for our lunch hour, or after-school shopping, for a movie, or just to hang out, mostly.

Manicures at the la la Asian Avenue with Sheetal, where she quite cheerfully announced to a stunned manicurist, "I want a bright red, like um... you know, the slutty kind of red, you know?"

I remember me, Sheetal and Deeds and Jia Hui skipping our LAN class to go shopping for Mother's Day presents and the gorgeous smell of J.Co doughnuts from the old wing.

The celebratory dinner after exams were over, with my roommates.

Starbucks with Muizz, and his wimpy, no caffeine Vanilla Frappuccino.

It was such a good trip through time, I just wished I had all those people there with me, to look at the places we made those memories and laugh about them with me.

I like how Sunway Pyramid is so much more laid back than most of the malls in KL, not everyone is caked in makeup and overdressed. Most people are in shorts and jeans and T-shirts, and no one gives each other those deliberate once-over stares. And skinny jeans. They're such a Subang thing. But I shall shut up before my nostalgia sickens all of you.

It has, you say? Oh.

Yesterday added some more memories to the folder in my mind headed: Sunway Pyramid. different ones but pretty gorgeous anyway. I really think I fell in love with him again sometime yesterday. It's a cliche, I know. We were swinging our interlocked hands and laughing and feeling that dizzy, happy rush you get in the first few weeks of a relationship, any of you remember that feeling?
He beat me at a car race at the game arcade, and I was smart enough not to suggest any other games. I conceded it was less of an embarrassment to lose to an eighteen year old guy who actually drives. Last year I lost to my three year old cousin, who could barely reach the pedals. I don't know why I still love playing when I suck so bad at it.

We went to Subang Parade after that for a while, again, so many memories. Most of them have to do with Cold Storage, It's the best part of Subang Parade for me. I LOVE GROCERY SHOPPING, for some weird reason. I think it makes me feel grown up.
I remember coming here after school to stock up on Coke Light and fruits with Di. And grocery shopping sometimes with Sheetal.

Mostly I came here all by myself, since it was just a walk away from where i used to live.

Yesterday I walked through there, with timothy, who really deserves a medal for being so nice as to spend so much time in a freaking grocery department with me. I do not know another eighteen year old male who would do that for me.

It struck me how different I was from the skinny, constantly hungry girl from last year, walking through aisles and aisles of food that i couldn't have. Counting calories and feeling so frustrated.

Yesterday, we were laughing and bright eyed, pointing out our favourite foods and marvelling over cool stuff like imported chips. And i was cheerful and secure and oh, just so happy, really. Things changed so much.

We tried finding our way to SS15 for dinner at Asia Cafe, which I miss immensely. And even though the correct ending to this already so happy story would have been a whole lot more memories and my favourite lotus pau for dessert, guess what happened?

We got lost and ended up going back to KL. And it was too difficult to turn back. In retrospect, it was actually kinda funny.

And something else came out of it. We've made a date for subang again, to finish off that last part of the day that we missed out on, this time by train. On Wednesday. And I'll have more time to go see all the other places I missed, like the fruit shop and Cats's Whiskers and the bit of ground they call Taylor's Park, with the stone benches that seem to levitate. I can't wait to show timothy all that too.
I am so excited. But I bet you could already tell.

*dances around in a made up victory dance*

MY AWESOME BOYFRIEND IS DRIVING US TO SUBANG JAYA TOMORROW!!!!!

hello, white castles! hello, asia cafe! hello, sunway pyramid! hello, memories!

i am SO homesick.
i'm coming to love this new place for what it is, though

1. Timothy being a five minute drive away.
2. Playing with the kitten and curling up on the couch at his place.
3. The Lady Who Sells Cool Malay Kuih near the Wangsa Maju station.
4. Fruits being so outrageously cheap at the pasar malam near my place.
5. And KLCC is always somewhere visible in the neighbourhood.

It's all very nice.

But i miss the salt on your skin from after a day at the beach.


on another note my mom bought me two more of those cool vintage tees i love so much! you know, the ones with the Mr Men and Little Miss? Little Miss Sunshine and Little Miss Giggles. Aku sangat gembira.

Timothy and I were at the pasar malam a few days ago when we passed these people selling goat's milk and they had this pregnant goat tethered nearby, to increase the authenticity believe. She had floppy brown ears and huge dark eyes. And now i'm considering vegetarianism again. Arrrrgh. It was those eyes, damnit.

butterfly

I don't know if you remember what you were like, butterfly, but i sure as hell do.
You had the brightest hues on your wings. You could never settle on just one flower, you wanted every single one, flitting impatiently from one beautiful thing to another.
I remember energy in your wings, beating furiously, a colourful blur. A powerful force under the delicate form.
And then the colour seemed to seep from you. The slow swish of your tired, paperthin wings scared me.
And butterfly, you turned the saddest shade of grey.

This is for someone too dear for me to just do nothing about, and yet there's really nothing I can do. I still see you.
Don't fade anymore, I barely see you. If you get any less visible I'm so scared I won't find you again.

TASH AW IS COMING TO MALAYSIA.
yay.

it's four am and i should really be in bed instead of out here typing this but i felt really bad neglecting my poor blog for so long.
i'm back in PD, after my friend Akmar's wedding, which was really, quite beautiful.

One of her cousins was a girl from my highschool, my junior. I've always felt sorry for her because of how everyone tends to treat her because of her weight and the way she looks. Guys make fun of her and call her rude names and she would just kinda sit there, stoic, unflinching, but I'm sure some of those comments and discrimination must have hurt. I don't really remember her having many friends with her.

Tonight she sang a song for the bride and oh, wow... the most beautiful, silver notes came pouring out of her. She sang like an angel, it actually made some people's hair stand on end, in a good way, according to my mom. I haven't heard anyone sing live as well as that. It was lovely. And when she was done, she had a louder standing ovation than the bride and groom had gotten.

It made me think about how people treat other people based on appearances and how to a small degree, we all do it. I wonder if anyone from highschool knew she could sing like that.

tainted love

oh.
about the last post.

i looked up the song!

it's a cover... only manson did it better. =)
the video is funny-ish, the joey guy from slipknot is in it, i forget his name, the drummer.

i also had a good laugh at all the comments on the video on Youtube from girls who say things like "OMG manson is so sexy and hotttt- he is my reason i am still breathing "

okay, that is just yuck.

why do people bother commenting on youtube anyway if it's going to be a whole lot of annoying fangirlyness and arguements?

why is Marilyn Manson's Tainted Love so stuck in my head?
grrrr.
the lyrics surprise me, they're a string of cliches, almost like a boyband pop song, not like his usual disturbing, powerful lyrics, these seem so... uncreative... but set to his music of course.
still, it's a nice combination
i'll look it up.

I swear this isn't my usual blogging style.

guess who's back?

=)

i'm still heavily in sleep debt, i neeeed to go catch up on a few more hours of it soon. Most the details of this weekend are on the private blog but i figured i'd update this one too.

on saturday morning, timothy and i caught a train to krispy kreme for breakfast, and then we walked around cold storage and borders a bit before going home to help his mom get ready for his birthday party.
after the party, we went to watch angels and demons with his friends
after angels and demons, at 2am, we all drove up to genting, on a complete whim.
i had so much fun there, i PROMISE i'll blog about it more when i'm more awake.
we drove down the next morning and stopped by The Curve for a while before heading home.
Then i got on a bus and came back to port dickson.
My mom made lunch and it smells really good.
This is my cue to wrap this post up and eat.
i'll blog more in a while.
the end.
bye.

the world is spinning entirely too fast for me now.
let's please stop and take a breather?

College. Assignments. Assesments. Second chance. Don't mess this year up too. CollegecollegeCOLLEGE. Law. Why?

You. Push. I pushed back. Too hard this time. I'm sorry. Hold me. Fix this. Not really? Mistakes? Maybe.

Ana. Fuck off. Come back. Fix. Go away. I need you.

I'd like to smile and mean it today.

situation-

Guy and girl are walking. Neutral state of physical contact, nothing annoyingly touchy feely. You might even feel a surge of affection for these two for allowing you to keep your lunch down and not regurgitated.

and then

Girl spots you. Automatically, by primal instinct, she slips her arm into the crook of her male companion, pulling him so close you wonder he didn't lose his balance and fall flat on his face, taking her with him. She stares meaningfully at him and murmurs something inaudible to him... for all you know, it could be something about how interesting the floor tile pattern is. She will then look up at you to see if you are still looking, and then beam up at her beloved, drop a kiss on him, make him carry her (not really that heavy) shopping bags, encircles her waist with his arm.. anything at all neccesary to get the point across. "this one's mine". She then smiles at you again, cattily, while you smile back rather bewildered and confusedly at her.


i shall retreat back into my safe, pure little haven of a beachtown and gape at them when they (annoying tourists) have the audacity to even try bringing thier PDA into my territory.

may sand get into your shoes and sandflies attack you with a passion.


much love
sher.

displacement.



first you spend the first sixteen years of your life growing up in the same house, never moving. The same little corners and little quirks, the door handle that needs an extra twist, the playground right in front of your house.



And then suddenly life sweeps you off your feet and up and away from the small town you grew up in, puts you down in a little apartment in the suburb of Subang Jaya, with a house full of teenage girl strangers. You pay for your meals and clean up after yourself, and slowly learn that the city isn't the big bad dangerous thing you thought it was. You finally got the foodcourt all figured out and can pick the good stalls and know which ones to avoid from experience. You learn the hard way that there are THREE train systems, LRT, KTM, and monorail, and do not attempt to ever again take the KTM to KLCC. You finally learn to love it.

And then one day as you're walking to the apartment with your friends, you suddenly catch yourself saying- "oh, can we pick up some Coke Light before I get home?" and it hits you. Home.

Home. Because that's what it's somehow become now.



And then suddenly it's packing time and could you please remember to get everything this time because you're not coming back here again? You're uprooted again, too fast, and quite hastily put down again in KL. For three years. And you figure, this will be home for possibly the rest of your life,

and then suddenly you land with a thud in a pretty little house in bangsar with your relatives, who you're staying with for a while. It's the feeling of being in a glided, beautiful birdcage. But you don't grow attached, not even a bit, because you're just waiting to be free, to live on your own again. You beat your wings impatiently, and then, when they unlock your cage and fly straight into the next place, desperate for change.

And it is in the queerest little apartment that you find it. A dingy little place, with occupants that have hysterical fights every night, clutter everywhere and drab, faded curtains holding back the sunshine, casting the room into gloom, a sullenness. Where privacy is a foreign concept and your room looks suspiciously entered every time you're back from school. And so you learn to be suspicious, to lock doors and hide your stuff. To hold your backpack close to you while you walk back to the apartment through brickfields. To ignore the dirt and the drama and turn the lights on in your room, open the windows for maximum sunlight, use good earphones to drown out the screaming matches. But your wings are getting cramped again, and you need to fly. Now.

And you do, to a bright, light filled house with friendly, giving occupants. A family with big hearts and squealing kids and two affectionate, huggable cats. Away from the busy city you love, there's a certain quietness you thrive on, surprisingly. And maybe it's walking though a pasar malam near your house with your boyfriend that seals the deal, maybe it's the cat that jumps right into your lap and starts purring, or the little girl in the house who blows kisses at you before you leave for college every day. You learn to love this, too.


But you're homesick, and you head home this weekend, your whole house has been rennovated, made over. The kitchen is different, you fumble for the light switch and get the wrong one. You reach for a bathroom towel rack that's not there anymore. You adjust. You stand there flicking switches, trying to memorize the new order, functions.

I used to love changes, but there's just too many right now. Give me something familiar, please.

my report card arrived yesterday, i waited, heart racing, as my mom opened the envelope, my sister sat nearby, pretending to read a book, SO obviously eavesdropping.

i did pretty damn well!

i was really relieved to see the marks, my mom smiled in approval

it's a big change from my math and chem grades at taylors, let me tell you that.

i am going to buy myself a huge present tomorrow.

a couple days ago while i was sitting with a few friends at a cafe, waiting for our drinks, i got bored and picked up a pen and started drawing on the napkin, for fun... nothing elaborate, just doodles of objects.

a friend picked it up and looked at it.

"wow... you can draw ah."

that comment made my day.

last saturday, i was in my favourite art supplies store with timothy, and he innocently asked if i was "into this kinda stuff"... i was about to launch into a huge lecture for him not knowing such an important fact about me, and then i tried to remember the last time i made any art, or attempted, at least.
um, last december.
so he was spared the lecture, but in my head i kept thinking, "damn, sherene, it's what you do best, so why haven't you been doing it?"
ever since college started, i haven't drew, sketched, painted, written (besides blogging, which does not count, obviously), nothing.

in high school people knew me for my artwork, it was something i was really proud of, a talent i knew for sure i had. When i felt like showing off, i'd just pick up a pen and paper and start drawing.

i know why i haven't written in so long... it makes me kinda sad (and angry) to think of how i could have made my creativity a career and i didn't.
-so fucking what if i write beautifully or paint well? it's not like anyone is going to encourage that now, for all my effort, my family just kinda pats me on the back and reminds me to stay focused on the goal, law school. wheee.

i'm sorry, i sound like a emo 15 year old, i know. Law is a good degree. It's going to be a huge paycheck and a gorgeous apartment and the best private schools for my children some day. It's interesting, and subjective and i'm growing to love it. Really.

wei-shern used to tell me it was a sin to waste any talent, God gives us these gifts, it was arrogant, like not appreciating what He's given you out of love.

tomorrow morning i am going to find my watercolours and paint, damnit.

I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.

there's a beautiful grey kitten outside a shop near my college.
she's gorgeous, with bright, alert eyes, a tummy that's just asking to be tickled, and the sweetest little meows.
I WANT THAT KITTEN.

she looks just like Alexis did when she was a baby.

a huge thank you to darryl for picking up my call at 4 in the morning and talking me out of my childish fears and nightmares.
there have been so many lately.

i went on a walk yesterday around my neighbourhood in brickfields, it occured to me that even though i live here, i barely know the area, and i wanted to get aquainted with it before i moved out (which is in a week or so, wow)

the walk was quite a rewarding one, i felt like a tourist. There were rows and rows there were all these colourful indian shops selling flowers and incense and costumes, vegetarian restaurants and i felt slightly sad, i promised sheetal i'd take her there for the vegetarian food, which is it's claim to fame, and now she'll be moving to penang, she won't be just a train ride away any more. It's sad how when people are just a train ride away, or that close, we tend to take the closeness for granted, and when they suddenly switch states, or countries or continents, suddenly that distance seems entirely too far and you wish you'd made a little more effort when you could have.

also. on a rather random note, I WANT A SILKY TERRIER. I cannot believe i overlooked this particular breed before, they are so intelligent and adorable and hyper.

Lolita is seventy bucks at borders, grrrrr. damn overpriced books, i think i'll ask carmen if she'll lend me her copy or something.

I just read The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer, My Life at Rose Red. It's not a genre i usually read, (besides Stephen King, whom i read more for his writing style and endearing characters rather than the actual plot), but this book gave me chills, it was pretty good, i might just start reading more horror novels. I'll read, watch, listen to anything that makes me really feel something, and this book definitely unsettled me, I sat there on my bed with the book, terrified, reluctant to turn the page and yet really wanting to, at the same time.

timothy showed me a second-hand bookstore at central market, the moment i get my allowance i'm going to spend many happy hours shopping for book-treasures.

this entry is mainly for him so, the rest of you can roll your eyes at my annoying lovey-doveyness and skip to the next entry if you like. Or stay and look this song up.
i'm not usually one for mushy love songs on the radio, but this one caught my attention.
I heard it late last night and the lyrics stood out as something so damn relevant and close to my heart that i just had to google it and listen to it properly again.

look it up here

damn overpriced internet cafes... (eight freaking bucks per hour)
oh, bloggie, i have missed you so very much.. i would hug the screen if i wasn't surrounded by so many people right now.

now that you know how much this is costing me, excuse the quick updates, I promise to bore you with nice, long entries when i get my laptop back

on wednesday, after watching the decidedly unscary *BOO...* Friday the 13th, me, timothy, tina, carmen and danien went to cold storage to pick up some booze, they all picked bottles of beer, (i wimped out and picked rum + ice-cream-soda instead.) We proceeded to walk, holding our bottles in clear sight, walking through KLCC mall, sipping occasionally and catching the scandalized looks of people who stared at the bottles. I grinned, feeling happily rebellious. We spent the afternoon drinking cold beer and laughing and talking at KLCC park. I love that these friends make me feel as smart as i know i am, our conversations are funny, alive, tinged with unmistakable maturity. It's a change i'm quite thrilled about.

thursday, after literature, things were not as amazing, i am still debating as to whether to blog about this here. There was a confrontation that turned nasty pretty quickly, all resolve to discuss it as adults were forgotten by some. I'm not even sure if it was the need to clear the air or the need to intimidate that was greater to certain people.
I walked away feeling like a winner, still, for all the petty accusations and juvenile tricks used, I walked away laughing, hand in hand with timothy, all the more in love with him for standing by me unflinchingly, for his calm, logical reasoning and for holding my hand tightly when things got ugly. Yeah, we're pretty indestructible, but hey, take your shot if you like, i wouldn't bother, though.

friday, today, after school i went to kinokuniya for a nice long afternoon of browsing through books, and i found this one book, an autobiography of a girl with ana, and i was startled to see how similar our thoughts were, i never knew this was how other people felt. It hit closer to home than i was comfortable with, really.
I was pleasantly suprised to run into Tina there, it was really good to see her, we had a nice long chat over some damn good chocolate. And i thought about the fact that, yeah, some of my friends have disappointed me in a major way lately, but i still had some pretty amazing ones to love. On an impulse, we decided to go visit the Petronas art gallery, there was an exhibition of paintings by a local artist, but were pretty disappointed at what was on display at the time. Oh, i know, art is SUBJECTIVE and it would be arrogant to criticize, but none of it really reached out to me, nothing left an impact. Oh well.

and that's it for a while, dear blog readers *hugs*

love,
sherene

never lie about juice

carol: "wei... you wanna go shopping not?"

sherene: "um.. malas lah... i mean, i go shopping all the time in KL, jelak already lah."

carol: "oh, come on... come with me lah.... hurry up"

sherene: "but i'm so tired... and.. like.. i just wanna stay in bed and read"

carol: "hey, you know.. there's a Juiceworks, just opened at the mall, right?"

sherene: *brightens up* "really?"

carol: "yeah, you mean you didn't know?"

sherene: "oh.. hey, you know what.. wait fifteen minutes, i'll get dressed and we can go"

*sherene drags herself out of bed and gets dressed even though her muscles hurt and she's sleepy, and she walks all the way to the mall with carol, (all for the sake of Juiceworks, my favourite thing in the world). we reach the mall.*

sherene: (*bright, cheerful smile*) "OMG JUICEWORKS... um, where IS it, carol?"

carol: "oh, um... well.. i could have sworn it was here the last time.." (points at empty spot at the mall next to Zen, which has always been empty )

grrrrrrr.

this week

i took a bus ALL BY MYSELF to melaka from kl, to go visit my grandmother, and i am feeling pretty smug about it. Listening to Evanescence while watching as the scenery changes from skyscrapers and highways to wooden kampung houses and cows on the road was pretty awesome, really.

i got my Juiceworks fix! I got my usual, cause i can't think of any other combination that is more delectable than watermelon and lychee. (yes, i'm a wimp for not wanting to try the others)

My mommy bought me an Aeropostale hoodie, a gorgeous, cuddly brown sweater that feels EXACTLY like a hug.

The kitchen at home is getting a makeover, and so we've had to move all the stuff out of the kitchen. The moment I got home, I saw our fridge standing, quite out of place in the living room, and for some reason it made me laugh so hard my face hurts.

In a bus station on friday, in his arms, I suddenly realized the magnitude of what I felt for him and just how much. I'm so in love.

Today i realized that for all our dysfunction, my family loves each other with a love so fierce and protective and deep, that I hope my own family will have the same someday.

Again, I am reminded of how fragile friendships actually are, of how things can suddenly change and how tables can turn. I'm feeling pretty discouraged about this whole "best-friends" thing... is it something we grow out of when we realize it's just a myth? I think i have.